"So, you know...what your passion?"

Being here in Indonesia has been a life changing experience. This was expected. However, the way it has changed my life was not expected. I expected to change because I would see more of the world, because I would have adventures, meet people, have different kinds of responsibility, be forced to be closer to God and have a new perspective on life. That has all happened, but there was one thing that I did not expect, and that was the freedom to simply decide what I want. 

When I came to Indonesia I had no idea what would be expected of me. I knew that I would be teaching English, and I knew that I would have to learn about the language and customs, but I assumed that I would have specific things to do and that I would simply do what I was told...as I have always done. Little did I know that Pastor Sam, though busy and full of things to do, is not the kind of person who will tell you what you should do, he is the kind of person who will watch you figure out what you want to do and then see if what you want and what you are good at will fit into what he wants and is good at, and if they fit, you will work together. To put it bluntly. Thus, I have had to figure out what I want to do, and what I am good at, and honestly...I think I am still figuring it out.

A few times since I have been here I have sat with Pastor Sam or "Daddy Sam" as everyone around here calls him, and sometimes with Ina his wife, and we have discussed what I am doing, what I want to do, and why I want to do it. I am constantly amazed by the freedom he has just to let people be people. As we sat I was saying "What do you think about this and that?..." and He said in his broken English, "Well Steph, so, you know, what your passion? I mean what do you want to do?" To tell you the truth, it nearly blindsided me. How many times do people honestly want to know what you really want to do? How many leaders put you in the position where you can just do what you feel called to do? What would you do if you could answer that question? We all have to find our passion. We all have to discover who God made us to be, I mean isn't that half the point. I will tell you one thing, one of the things I just want to do, one of my passions is writing. In the last blog I said that I have been inspired to write, and although not evident from this blog, I have been writing some of the best stuff I have ever written.

The other thing that I have discovered is that I love teaching. I did not know if I would, I had never taught before, I always knew that I wanted to help people, and inspire people to live their lives wholeheartedly, but teaching has been amazing way of doing that that I had never really thought about. I love the students, they are all so very precious, sometimes they are exasperating and sometimes they are difficult to deal with, but it is just because they are people. This blog seems to be all over the place (do they all seem that way?) but I just wanted to get some of my thoughts out there for you all. I will just ask you one question... So, you know....what's your passion?

Update

Yes I know, it has been a while since I have written a blog...but I have been on facebook regularly, so it's ok, you all still know what is generally going on. Here are some specifics. 

I love Indonesia. This has been one of he most beneficial and rewarding times of my life, and I don't know when I have been so happy. There are days when all I can do is marvel at the wondrous works and love of God that I have found here. I have been inspired to write like I have not been in a long time, and I cannot even begin to tell you the joy that I am getting from this. God is so good to me!

Spiritually, everything seems closer. When you pray, things move, when you speak idle words, they come back to you quickly. Angles and Demons seem to be much more real, and the hand of God is always near. Physically speaking, everything is different. Of course, it being a tropical country, it is always warm, and you do much more walking. The food is very different, and the people...they are still people. Culture differs by city, by tribe, and even more by island, but the more of it I see, the more I realize that even when you see things you never thought you would, people are simply people. I have always known that, but it seems to be so much more evident here. I think that one of the things that has surprised me the most is how much better I understand Bible stories and even the layout of the Bible since spending time with tribal people, and people who take great pride in their ancestry. In America everyone comes from everywhere, here, people are specific. They are Javanese, Bataknese, and many others, and each tribe has certain characteristics. I have heard people say, "Oh that is the Bataknese in me." I guess at home I hear "Oh, that is the Irish in me." but the meaning is not the same. I even seem to understand the significance of "five loaves and two small fish" much better...after eating only two small fish for dinner one night. 

School is good, I love teaching the students, although it has been difficult to find my footing exactly. Since I am not really sure of what I am doing, it has been a bit of a ride, but God has sustained me through it, and there has been more than one moment of divine inspiration. The language barrier has probably been the most difficult thing for me, as the people that I live with don't all speak English. I am learning Indonesian, but not nearly as fast as I wish I could. Sometimes I wish that I could just wake up and be able to speak it, but don't we all wish that about something or other. I know that the learning process will be good for me. I have no context for the language, but it seems to be simple (as languages go) and I am enjoying being able to speak the small amount that I can. 

As far as things that you all can pray about, I have a bit of a list... 1. My computer broke, and I am going to need to replace it soon, that is part of why the blogs have not been consistent. 2. I have been sick lately, it is nothing to worry about, but it has really disrupted my flow here, and I would just like people to be praying for me. 3. I need wisdom to make some decisions, it seems that I am always in the middle of something, and there are some things that I need to decide on...I'm sorry that I can't be more specific on this note. 4. I am thinking about and praying about staying until June instead of March, in order to finish out the school year. Please be praying about this as it would be both good and difficult. 5. I guess just pray that God's will would be done both here, and wherever you are. I have had some really good prayer time lately, and I know that whatever He has up His sleeve is not something that will soon be forgotten. I just pray that I can be where I need to be when whatever is going to happen finally does. 

Last of all I just want to say that I love you guys so very much. I think of and pray for you all the time. Even though I am here, home is ever in my heart and mind. I know that He is doing something with all of you just as He is doing something with me. He is ready to speak with us if we will simply quiet ourselves and take the time to listen. I know that this blog is not as long as it could be, but I guess I just wanted to say a quick "hello" and say that I had a wonderful Christmas, and am looking forward to a fabulous New Years, even though I am away from home. So with much love from Indonesia, I say "Hello", "Good bye," and "Happy Holidays!!!!"