Update: God is so good! As of this week I have just about everything that I need to be going back to Indonesia. This is not to say that everything is finished, but everything is definitely underway. I am waiting on just the last pieces of paperwork to come in the mail so that I can get my visa application sent in, and I am waiting for confirmation of dates so that I can get my ticket. The thing that just really astounds me is that one month ago I had my ticket to Hawaii, and nothing else, and now I not only have everything that I need, but the promise of some resources to take back to Ps. Sam. I am really just overwhelmed. 

Sometimes I feel like it is all that I can do to keep up, and so I know that everything will work out fine, but there are days and moments that I feel scared, and unsure. This trip is going to be so very different than the last one that I took, I will be pursuing different things, and be spending time with different people, although I will still be staying in the same place, and have some of the same people around me. I know that I have been there before, but newness in any form is kind of scary, and it takes courage to go through with it. This weekend, when everything came together I was at a conference with a whole bunch of people who knew that I was going and would still need some help to get there, there was one woman who came up to me and handed me a small wad of money. As she did this she whispered to me that it was not much but that she wanted to give it. I very diplomatically answered that it was very appreciated (which it was) and put it in my pocket. A little while later I decided to see how much it was... $5, at that moment I almost began to cry, someone with so little was still willing to give a gift even if it was not seen as anything at all, that is true humility. At that moment something began to rise up in me, it clenched my throat and I began to pray. "I can't do this God." I said, "What do I have to offer, what am I doing, how can I do this? I have no idea what to do." Then I began to wonder what was wrong with me, tears were streaming down my face as I tried to figure out what was wrong. 

This was all in the middle of a meeting, and a few minutes later the speaker got up and began to speak on the fear of the Lord. As soon as she said those words I knew what this was, this was a fear, a knowledge of who God was in that moment, and what He was doing in me. I realized that the fear I felt was not a sin, or a distrust of what He was doing, or of why He had chosen me, but a realization that this whole thing is much bigger than me, and a realization that God is holy. So often in the church today we see God as a buddy to help us out, or some illusive being, and we forget the holiness of who and what He is. So, now as I get ready, and I "walk boldly before the throne" I also know at a much deeper level, that He is God, and what that means. 

But, because He is God, He has shown His power in this situation, and everything has come together. I will be going to Hawaii, and then on from there to Indonesia. I will be spending my first few weeks there with my friend Vonny in Bandung, and then I will go on to Salatiga to be with Ps. Sam and to learn the language. I am really excited about this whole thing, I don't know everything that lies in store, but I do know that it will all work out well. One thing is that I still need your prayers. I know that God is good and that it will be fine, but your prayers are still needed and appreciated. I have the support that I need, but any support that you want to give would be greatly appreciated, even words of wisdom and "well wishes" I love you all, and pray that I get everything done in the less than a month that I have left here, I am doing my best not to get stressed out about it. I will do my best to keep you all updated. Thank you, and God bless. 

This and That

Hello Everyone! I have been home for a while now, and thought that I would update you all on what is going on. I have really been enjoying my time here, although I have been also really missing all of my friends in Indonesia...there are a few especiallies, but we won't spill the beans on that one ;) But, all in all I am glad that I have been here. 

I have had some really good connections with a lot of people who are very dear to me, as well as made old acquaintances into new friends, and met new people all together. I have spent quality time with extended family, and have spent hours in prayer. These are all very good and necessary things for me to do while I am home, which will not be long, as there are already plans for me to go back to Indonesia this July. Wow! That is really soon and is getting closer every day. On that note, I will tell you that I am still working out all of the paperwork but that I am fully aware of the amount of work and dedication it will take, I am fully expecting it all to work out, and am full of faith that God will do what is best for me, although I am still "in faith" for the finances that it will take. Unlike the last trip that I took, I am most likely going to be going on a student visa this time which will be cheaper in the long run, but will require more money up front. I will be taking formal Indonesian lessons, but I think that I will still be able to teach (on a voluntarily basis of course) while I am there. There is still a lot in progress, so I can't give you all of the details, but I will keep you updated to the best of my abilities. 

I also wanted to say that I am just amazed at what God has done with me and in me, and is continuing to do while I have been home, and will continue to do when I go. It is like every time I am unsure of what I am doing He will somehow reassure me that everything is going to be fine. People don't always understand what it means to live a life of faith, sometimes it means that we trust God when we are in prison in a foreign country like the missionaries in China, or they think that it means praying for a dead body to be raised from the dead, but do they realize that it means that I am going to take the risk of planning to return to Indonesia when I have no idea how it will happen? One of the things that I needed in order to go again was a new computer, because mine broke while I was there, and although I considered getting it fixed, it was getting really old....someone gave me a computer this week (well, it's on its way). Can you believe that!? God, You are so amazing! But it is not just that He gives us what we "need", He also blesses us. Let me tell you the situation....

I have two cousins who live in Hawaii, they are young and love life, and I often wanted them to come visit me in Indonesia, although I don't know if they will be able to. This year their mother is celebrating a "big" birthday, (I won't tell you which one) and so she is going to go and visit them there. Well, Hawaii happens to be half way between LA and Jakarta, and she happens to be going the last week of June, and I happen to need to be back there for the first week of July....do you see where this is going? I am going to be able to spend a week in Hawaii before I go to Indonesia! And! I get to connect with my cousins and see if perhaps they could visit me in Indonesia! What a blessing. I have never been to Hawaii before, and am really excited that I get to go. 

So much has happened to me while I have been home. So many very important things that I don't think could have happened any other way. Honestly I don't think that I would be able to put my finger on all of it, but it has changed me. One thing I can tell you though, I have been looking at an English teaching program that was developed by a friend of mine, and when I return to Indonesia I have a much better idea of what I will be doing there, it will not be a lot of dilly dally like it was the last time. I will be coming back a different person than I was....so Indonesia, you may want to prepare yourself. Just so you know. 

So, please be praying for me that I am able to do what needs done in the time that I have left to do it. I love you all. Talk to you soon. Me