Sometimes what's on your mind and what's on your heart are two completely different things. It has been one of those days when I have gone through all of the motions that I needed to do and still have not felt like I have done what needed done. I guess the best thing to do in those situations is to pray that God would grant you the opportunity to do what you that thing that is on your heart to do, and that His will would be done that day. 

You know, I have spent time telling you all about my schedule, about my thoughts on various subjects that I come across; I have told you about some of my stories with students, but I feel that I have not really been able to share with you what it is like. Perhaps I am not a good enough writer to say what I truly want to say, but I guess that I just want you all to know that you are always in my heart and prayers. 

It is interesting being so far away from home when such an important event (I'm sure you know which one I mean) is so close, and to hear the opinions of other people in the world, and not just Americans. It is amazing to see the progress of the students, and how far they have come this year, not just in speaking English, but in their character, and their growing up process. Of course there are still a few things that have to be addressed, but for the most part things are going quite well. It has been stretching to be spending so much time learning the language and culture, to be always in view of everyone (I'm blonde) and always putting myself out there to tell people that I don't understand. It has been overwhelming to be doing the thing that I longed to do for so many years, to see the beauty and feel the wonder of it all. It has been refreshing to meet so many new people, and form new relationships. It has been astounding seeing all the things that God has done, and all of the ways that He has provided for me. It has been stressful to try and figure out the best way to teach while at the same time trying to learn the language and adjust to the culture. It has been a life shaping experience, and though it is obvious, I will say it anyway, my life will never be the same again. 

Sunset (no edit)

Actually, everything about Indonesia is a point for me in some way or other, be it the roads, the weather, the way of life, the way of dress, the type of coffee, or the big picture, I have found both joy and uneasiness in all, and I guess I just wanted to convey that to you somehow, but the only way that I know is just to say it the way it is, simple and clean, so there you have it. As always I send you all my love, and hope to hear from you soon. 

Sacrifice?

We had a long weekend this week because Friday was a very holy day for all of the Muslims, it is the day that they sacrifice a cow, a goat, and (I think) a lamb. Everything is closed, schools, offices, sometimes even the convenience stores, you can barely even find a little cafe to get some lunch in...lets just say that it is a big deal. They usually make the sacrifice in the town square at 6:00am, I could have gone, but I don't really think that it would be a good idea. 

So, since we had a long weekend I decided to just rest and practice my Indonesian as much as possible (not as much of an oxymoron as it could be) but I ended up doing a lot of thinking about what sacrifices we Christians make. This is kind of a trick questions these days, because to some Christians putting their $5 in the offering is more like a fight with your conscience than a sacrifice, whereas others spend all of their time working in the church and wont forgive their husband. There are some Christians however, who are willing to sacrifice anything and everything for what they feel that God is doing in their lives, and for what they feel He is saying to them. I know many of this kind personally. I have one friend named Kathy who spent 14 years running YWAM Turkey and now lives in Northern Iraq, a single white woman...now that is bravery and sacrifice! 

I am just wondering what we are willing to give up if it is asked of us? After the sacrifice on Friday there was a celebration, which is why the shops were all closed, it wasn't because they just didn't want to work, but because they were too busy with the party. How many Christians do you know that throw a party when they sacrifice something? It is pretty amazing to me actually. Just a few thoughts. 

Small Step

I am starting into my second Unit at IMLAC and I have to say that I am really enjoying it so far. In this unit instead of being with only Korean class mates, I have a woman from Canada and a man from Germany, now that our class is big enough they have split us up into two groups, so it is the Korean speaking group, and the English speaking group. It is really nice to have some new friends as well. 

I know that it is obvious, but I really am enjoying the ability to communicate with my students here at Pondok Penuai. There is something about just the little bit that I can say that has seemingly upped their ability to speak English. Perhaps it is that they know that if they use a little bit of Indonesian I will still understand, so they have been much braver when it comes to actually talking to me. 

There was one thing that really excited me this week that I wanted to tell you all about; one night I was out sitting on the steps and enjoying looking up at the night sky when one of my students came up and sat down next to me. We talked a little bit, her using some English, and I using some Indonesian, and it was not anything special, until suddenly she started to share some things with me that she has been struggling with. I gave her a little bit of advice, and reminded her that Jesus loves her very much, and that sometimes the reason that He hasn't (or seemingly hasn't) answered our prayers is because the timing is off. The conversation was not long, but I felt that it was a really important step to where I am going with this. 

I have been spending a lot of time in prayer, I don't know really if I have told you what my vision is for these kids that I have come to love so much, so I will tell you now. Yes I am here learning one language and teaching another, just for the practical skill of communication, but that is not the vision. I don't want to just give them the ability to speak English, but I want to teach them or show them, or somehow let them know that they have a voice, that they are important, and that there is something that they alone can bring to the table. I want them to know that not only should they speak, but that people will listen to them. They are worth it, I know that and I just hope that somehow I can let them know that as well. Honestly it is difficult because so many of them come from such a poor island that they don't feel that they are worth very much. 

If you have ever heard Ps Sam speak about this school then you know that it has five focuses. 1. Character 2. Entrepreneurship 3. IT 4. Agriculture 5. English. All of these things are so that they can be effective in the world today, so that they have something to do, and the ability to do it well; but if you do not believe that you are worth very much then even if you know how to do many things you simply do not do it. I want them to know that they really do have the ability to reach the goals and dreams that they have. 

I don't know what all God is doing with me here, but I just hope that I can be faithful in the things that I do know. I know that I need to pray for them all, that I need to study hard, and that I need to be a good example for them to see. In these areas I am doing the best that I can, and I pray that God covers me where I lack. 

I guess I will also just say that I have been missing you all lately, and that I love you very much. If any of you want to send me a letter and tell me how you are doing., or put a comment on this blog or on my Facebook please feel free to do so, I would love to hear from any and all of you. Talk to you soon. 

I am spending my morning getting ready for my first evaluation at school and marveling at how good God is to me. As you already know the reason that I am here is to help these kids in any and every way that I can, but sometimes that is difficult because of the language barrier. I have told you before that my "mission" if you will, is not just to teach them English, but to teach them that they have a voice and that they have something to add to the world. I want to help each of them to see the amazing thing that God has in store for them, but most of all I want them to know how much they are loved. 

I have been here for 3 months...even though it seems like it has been much longer than that, and I have been in school for one. I have been learning things like the joint words, and basic vocabulary, and it has really helped, but I am no where near fluent yet. Sometimes I get frustrated if I don't know things right away...which I know is silly, but it is still true, and there are days when I wish I was just able to speak easily and well to the people whom I love so dearly. 

Well, last night I was just sitting outside enjoying the fresh air on the mountain when one of my students came and asked to sit next to me. She is a sweet, but troubled young lady, and has had a difficult time in the past, and has a difficult time now due to basic upbringing issues, like she doesn't know how to control herself when she is angry and things can get ugly. Well we just started having a bit of a conversation, me using some Indonesian, and her using a little bit of English. After a while she started sharing some things with me that she is unsure about and doesn't know what to do. I was able to tell her that God loves her, and encourage her to pray and ask Him about it. She was asking me difficult questions like "if God loves me, then why is my relationship with my father terrible?" and "Why hasn't he answered my prayers?" I was able to give some simple answers, and I trust that He will do the work that needs done through that. I just feel so happy and blessed that I was able to take one more step closer to my goal. 

P. S. Being somewhat bilingual is awesome.

Jogja

Well the rainy season has finally begun. last week we had we first of the rain, and this week we have had it at least three times. right now it is just a cool breeze and a low fog, which are a welcome break from the muggy and sweaty weather of the late morning and early afternoon. Many people say that the wet season is hotter than the dry, but in actuality it is only one hour of the day which is more humid, but not hotter. Now the threat of rain is hanging about, but no water yet, which makes me sad. (I love the rain) I would love to sit here writing with the rain as my inspiration all day. 

Sometimes I wish I could really embellish the stories that I have here to make them seem more beautiful and book-worthy, but I know that if I embellish the dull ones, people are less likely to believe the good ones.

I spent the last two days in Jogja (aka Yogyakarta) with my friend Uthe, and one of my students Ifan. I decided it might be fun to go with Uthe on Saturday and Sunday because I love Jogja, actually it is probably my favorite city so far. In general it is clean and organized, and genuinely pretty. It also has Malioburo (a street filled with awesome shops and a mall at both ends) which, thought crowded is really good for shopping and batik. Perhaps I will go there again once before Christmas and see what happens ;) . Not to mention that it has a theater and coffee shops. 

Before this trip I had only been to the famous parts of the city, but this time I saw much more of it and still thoroughly enjoyed myself there. We stayed with a Pastor and his wife who are friends with Uthe. He is Batak (one of the tribes of people here) and she is Chinese/Indonesian. They have (I think) a son and a daughter, but their house is quite full due to the fact that the whole worship team lives there, as well as a young mother of two who is having trouble with her husband. I liked them very much and hope to see them again. I also enjoyed my time with the young people, though they spoke little English. We talked a little, played guitar a lot, and just had a good time. One man was named Anton and he spoke mostly with me is he had the best English. He was not handsome, but he had a good head on his shoulders and was kind. There was another one named Johnathan who was extra skinny, had long hair, tattoos and smoked. He was the kind of person I usually don't really talk to, but he was funny and I liked him. He taught me how to play B and Bm on the guitar...which was nice of him...since he taught me in Indonesian and it was a tad confusing... 

You see, this story could use just a little bit of embellishment...

I have been in school for close to a month, and you would not believe the difference it has already made. Just by teaching me words like "but" "for" "left and right" "the other one" "myself" and the like. They were holes that desperately needed filled in. I believe that the next Unit will help with vocabulary (kosakata) and then we can just go on from there. The faster I learn the language the faster I will be able to talk with the students, which is the real goal. To be able to tell stories, to listen to conversations and ideas, to share advice and things like that. I am going to school every day so that I can effectively communicate. My hope is that within the next few months my Indonesian will be good enough that I can preach, pray, or just really get to know them all. When that has been accomplished, I will take the time to really teach them English well, then may we have communication. And it is my wish to teach them to really pray and seek God as well, then will we truly know and understand each other. Right now the trick is to balance my time between writing, prayer, reading, studying, teaching, friends, alone time, spending time with them, practicing guitar, (which I have finally started to learn) practicing piano (which I am working hard to continue to learn) and countless other things. It's no wonder I feel like I never have any time now!

School

I thought it was about time to give you all another update. I have just started my third week of school, and I like it so far, although there are times that my brain begins to get tired. The teachers all teach using more Indonesian than they do English so that we are constantly hearing and learning the language. Much of what we have learned I already knew, but there are quite a few holes that are being filled in as well.

Honestly speaking, I am yet again adjusting to how things are going. I like school, I am thankful for it and I know that it is going to be really good, but I miss being able to spend so much time with the students here at Penuai. It generally happens that when I am done with school and by the time I get home I am ready to take a nap, and work on homework. After dinner sometimes I am able to be with them, but yet again, often times I have things to do...like write my blog ;) Maybe it would be best just to write on Saturday. I miss them, and am having a little bit of trouble figuring out the right balance. I do, however, think that this problem will sort itself out.

I realized the other day that it is just about exactly one year ago that I came to Indonesia. Can you believe that? It's crazy! It's hard to believe how much has changed during this past year, and how many things (perhaps that we expected to change) did not. At this point I can think of nothing that I would rather be doing, yet I think I have become a little bit more homesick lately. I miss all of you, and sometimes I just want to hug and talk with you all. Sometimes I wish I already knew all of the rules of the culture, and how to express exactly what I wanted to say. I was talking to some of the students tonight, they were asking me about my criteria for a husband, I said "good." they said "baik" I said "kind"  they said "oh, baik again" I think there were four or five things that were equal to "baik". Honestly speaking, I have been a little homesick...read: pretty homesick. It has been probably the first time since I came the first time that I wouldn't have minded going home for a few days...but since I know that after a few days I would want to come back I pulled myself together and figured that in a few days I would be back to where I was before. 

I am beginning to get a cold I think because of the wind blowing germs around everywhere, so please pray for that, it would not really be good. Well I am going to go. Love and prayers. 

P. S. (I just realized that I say "honestly speaking" a lot. ;)  )