"So, you know...what your passion?"

Being here in Indonesia has been a life changing experience. This was expected. However, the way it has changed my life was not expected. I expected to change because I would see more of the world, because I would have adventures, meet people, have different kinds of responsibility, be forced to be closer to God and have a new perspective on life. That has all happened, but there was one thing that I did not expect, and that was the freedom to simply decide what I want. 

When I came to Indonesia I had no idea what would be expected of me. I knew that I would be teaching English, and I knew that I would have to learn about the language and customs, but I assumed that I would have specific things to do and that I would simply do what I was told...as I have always done. Little did I know that Pastor Sam, though busy and full of things to do, is not the kind of person who will tell you what you should do, he is the kind of person who will watch you figure out what you want to do and then see if what you want and what you are good at will fit into what he wants and is good at, and if they fit, you will work together. To put it bluntly. Thus, I have had to figure out what I want to do, and what I am good at, and honestly...I think I am still figuring it out.

A few times since I have been here I have sat with Pastor Sam or "Daddy Sam" as everyone around here calls him, and sometimes with Ina his wife, and we have discussed what I am doing, what I want to do, and why I want to do it. I am constantly amazed by the freedom he has just to let people be people. As we sat I was saying "What do you think about this and that?..." and He said in his broken English, "Well Steph, so, you know, what your passion? I mean what do you want to do?" To tell you the truth, it nearly blindsided me. How many times do people honestly want to know what you really want to do? How many leaders put you in the position where you can just do what you feel called to do? What would you do if you could answer that question? We all have to find our passion. We all have to discover who God made us to be, I mean isn't that half the point. I will tell you one thing, one of the things I just want to do, one of my passions is writing. In the last blog I said that I have been inspired to write, and although not evident from this blog, I have been writing some of the best stuff I have ever written.

The other thing that I have discovered is that I love teaching. I did not know if I would, I had never taught before, I always knew that I wanted to help people, and inspire people to live their lives wholeheartedly, but teaching has been amazing way of doing that that I had never really thought about. I love the students, they are all so very precious, sometimes they are exasperating and sometimes they are difficult to deal with, but it is just because they are people. This blog seems to be all over the place (do they all seem that way?) but I just wanted to get some of my thoughts out there for you all. I will just ask you one question... So, you know....what's your passion?

Update

Yes I know, it has been a while since I have written a blog...but I have been on facebook regularly, so it's ok, you all still know what is generally going on. Here are some specifics. 

I love Indonesia. This has been one of he most beneficial and rewarding times of my life, and I don't know when I have been so happy. There are days when all I can do is marvel at the wondrous works and love of God that I have found here. I have been inspired to write like I have not been in a long time, and I cannot even begin to tell you the joy that I am getting from this. God is so good to me!

Spiritually, everything seems closer. When you pray, things move, when you speak idle words, they come back to you quickly. Angles and Demons seem to be much more real, and the hand of God is always near. Physically speaking, everything is different. Of course, it being a tropical country, it is always warm, and you do much more walking. The food is very different, and the people...they are still people. Culture differs by city, by tribe, and even more by island, but the more of it I see, the more I realize that even when you see things you never thought you would, people are simply people. I have always known that, but it seems to be so much more evident here. I think that one of the things that has surprised me the most is how much better I understand Bible stories and even the layout of the Bible since spending time with tribal people, and people who take great pride in their ancestry. In America everyone comes from everywhere, here, people are specific. They are Javanese, Bataknese, and many others, and each tribe has certain characteristics. I have heard people say, "Oh that is the Bataknese in me." I guess at home I hear "Oh, that is the Irish in me." but the meaning is not the same. I even seem to understand the significance of "five loaves and two small fish" much better...after eating only two small fish for dinner one night. 

School is good, I love teaching the students, although it has been difficult to find my footing exactly. Since I am not really sure of what I am doing, it has been a bit of a ride, but God has sustained me through it, and there has been more than one moment of divine inspiration. The language barrier has probably been the most difficult thing for me, as the people that I live with don't all speak English. I am learning Indonesian, but not nearly as fast as I wish I could. Sometimes I wish that I could just wake up and be able to speak it, but don't we all wish that about something or other. I know that the learning process will be good for me. I have no context for the language, but it seems to be simple (as languages go) and I am enjoying being able to speak the small amount that I can. 

As far as things that you all can pray about, I have a bit of a list... 1. My computer broke, and I am going to need to replace it soon, that is part of why the blogs have not been consistent. 2. I have been sick lately, it is nothing to worry about, but it has really disrupted my flow here, and I would just like people to be praying for me. 3. I need wisdom to make some decisions, it seems that I am always in the middle of something, and there are some things that I need to decide on...I'm sorry that I can't be more specific on this note. 4. I am thinking about and praying about staying until June instead of March, in order to finish out the school year. Please be praying about this as it would be both good and difficult. 5. I guess just pray that God's will would be done both here, and wherever you are. I have had some really good prayer time lately, and I know that whatever He has up His sleeve is not something that will soon be forgotten. I just pray that I can be where I need to be when whatever is going to happen finally does. 

Last of all I just want to say that I love you guys so very much. I think of and pray for you all the time. Even though I am here, home is ever in my heart and mind. I know that He is doing something with all of you just as He is doing something with me. He is ready to speak with us if we will simply quiet ourselves and take the time to listen. I know that this blog is not as long as it could be, but I guess I just wanted to say a quick "hello" and say that I had a wonderful Christmas, and am looking forward to a fabulous New Years, even though I am away from home. So with much love from Indonesia, I say "Hello", "Good bye," and "Happy Holidays!!!!"

Singapore

Well, by now most of you know that I will be going to Singapore in the morning, so let me just tell you what happened...

A few weeks ago, we realized that it was about time for me to check up on my visa and get an extension so that I did not have to go out of the country every 60days. When we looked into it we discovered that the Indonesian government granted me a business visa instead of a social visa. (Why I don't know as we applied for social) Basically that means that I will not be able to get it extended. My visa is good for a year, just as long as I go out of the country every 60days. This means that I will have to go out again in Feb, however, next time Pastor Sam will go with me and will do some preaching. This time is on my own. 

I am very happy to report that my father has friends who live in Singapore and will not only be able to pick me up at the airport, but will give me a place to stay as I will only be there one night and will come back to Salatiga the next day. As much of a hassle as this trip is, I am looking forward to it. Not necessarily because of shopping, but because I have never been there before, and I feel that God wants to show me some things while I am there. Sometimes things that pull us away from where we thought we needed to be put us closer to the actual goal. 

I know that this blog is not long, but it is a blog, and so I think that is an improvement. Know that you are all in my prayers. Much love, Stephanie.

Prayer.

I want you to go back and re-read that title. Don't just glance at it as just another word, read it for the strong and powerful statement it is. Prayer. P. R. A. Y. E. R. There is nothing else like it in this world. It will change a mind, change a heart, change a life, change a person, or a group of people, it will change a situation, bring peace, bring forgiveness, change a nation, and change the world. There are very few things that come close to being as fulfilling as prayer.

If you had direct access to the person who made all of the important decisions not only in your life, but in your country, and the world you live in what would you request? What would you talk to them about? If you really could discuss the issues, and become part of the deciding factor in the way the world works what would you do? I will tell you that this is exactly what prayer is. We are able to speak directly to our Creator, the King. We can give Him our thoughts, our problems, our reasoning, or simply ask Him a question.

There are many different kinds of prayer, there is the prayer that you say as you go to sleep, or as you pray before a meal, a simple note of thanks. There is prayer in a meeting, when we thank Him for all he has done. There is prayer for wisdom and strength, there is prayer for grace, the kind of prayer that we have in our usual daily lives. Then there is deep prayer, the earnest seeking for guidance, for healing of a loved one. The kind of prayer that we pray when we don't know where else to turn. There is intercession, this is the prayer when we so seek the will and throne of God that we cannot, and will not stop until we have gained the peace to continue our lives. But yet, there are still two more kinds of prayer that I believe are the most important. One is corporate prayer. This is when two or more people gather together with the express purpose of praying and seeking the heart of God. It is in this prayer that God is able to bring strategy, to begin to change families, to bring things about. This kind of prayer penetrates your skin and gets into your blood. There is nothing like it, the only other thing that will bring you into the presence of God as quickly as corporate prayer is corporate worship. And lastly there is praying on tongues. I am saddened by the debate about this in the church today, because it is the one thing that can sustain you when you don't know what to pray. 

In essence, praying on tongues is when the Spirit of God that lives in you speaks with God in Heaven, and the two commune. Did you know that you could do that? You have the ability to connect with God in a way that nothing on earth but a human being can. When you don't know what to pray, pray in tongues, the Jesus inside of you knows what to pray. Speaking in tongues is a work of the Spirit, it cannot be forced, or even really truly mimicked, it is a release of your heart into the demention of Heaven. I will tell you that I am speaking from experience, these are not just words that I am typing. I don't have time to really tell you all that is in my heart to let you know, my heart is just to exhort you to stir up your prayer life, don't just say a prayer in the morning and one at night to cover your bases. If you will take the time to really begin to pray, you will find that your life will be utterly and completely altered. You will not be the same. Don't just think a prayer, don't just "feel the love", although those things are nice, they are nothing compared to the power that comes when you connect with Jesus. 

So stop, pray, and see what happens.

Beauty?

I am very white. It is actually kind of amazing. I want to tell you how liberating it is to be in a place where I can go into three stores that don't even go up to my size and still be considered beautiful. I want to tell you how liberating it is to not have a scale, and even though you know you have lost a little weight, it is because you feel better and your clothes don't fit the same and not because numbers staring up at you relentlessly. I want to tell you how nice it is to be looking out the window and have everyone smile at you. 

I want to tell you how hard it is to see women who are not allowed to show their faces. I want to tell you how difficult it is to see women ashamed of being dark. I want to tell you how sad I am when I see women who will do and buy anything to anything to be considered beautiful...and I want to tell you that the pressure of physical perfection in the States is in fact oppression. 

If we saw a woman who had her feet bound as a child so that they were only three inches long we would be astounded. If we saw a woman who had put rings around her neck all of her life in order to stretch it out so that it was over 3feet long we would be ashamed, and yet, we do not realize that half of the teen age girls in America have eating disorders. We spend billions of dollars trying to look right, thousands of hours in front of the mirror.

I am not saying that we should not be concerned with our health...we need to eat right (not nothing) and exercise, just like we need to brush our teeth to keep our mouth healthy, and go to school to keep our brain healthy. What I am saying is that if women want to be liberated they should not try and act like men, they should not try and be perfect at everything. It is like they said "Ya I'm liberated, so now instead of doing what I can do and like to do I am going to do everything the same except I am going to do the mans job too." 

I like being beautiful, I like feeling beautiful, I am beautiful, but there were times when I thought that for anyone to be interested in me would be ridiculous unless I lost 30lbs.  This is not right. 

There are many things that I could be telling you about my trip, about how I am doing and what I am doing. About the people that I am with, but this issue has been on my heart and in my mind, and I just thought I would put it out there for you to think about, I don't know, perhaps it will inspire you to change the world, or perhaps it will inspire you to smile at yourself in the mirror instead of scowl, because I know you, and you are amazing!

School

This week, I officially started to teach English at Destiny Institute. It is a small school, I make the 3rd teacher, and what a time I had of it. We would start every day with the "pledges", where we would pledge to the Bible, to the Christian flag, and they would pledge to the Indonesian flag as I stood politely by. Then we would spend half an hour singing, mostly praise songs that made the children laugh, but we always ended the singing with worship. (It helps that the worship leader is one of the teachers =) ) After that the older kids would separate from the younger kids, and we would have devotion time. It is a different characteristic each week, and the schedule is three Bible stories Mon-Wed, Thursday the teacher gives an example from their own life and then Friday the kids give their own examples.

From 9-10 the children work in their own cubicle, and the teachers (including me) go around and help them with any questions that they have. During this time I have mostly been employed by helping with pronunciation. Then there is a break for juice, and then we work until lunch at noon. After lunch is where I am beginning a speaking class. It is a half an hour time when we generally play games that get the children to speak in English, games like Simon says, or a game where you have to list everything in your lunch bag, but the things on the list must go from A to Z (ex. I have an Apple in my bag, then the next person says "I have an apple and a bouncy ball in my bag" etc.) During the times that I am not busy teaching, I have been studying Indonesian, I figure that it is probably as good of a time as any.

As for life here at the compound, this week I got up Mon Wed and Fri to join the prayer at 5am, although it is difficult with the language barrier, my friend Melda (who is teaching me Indonesian) has been kind enough to come along and translate for me, although she is not a morning person. I have discovered that I love the early mornings here, it is so quiet and beautiful, and yet it is so bursting with life. The students here all head from the prayer to their chores, so everywhere you go there are students working and they often sing to themselves as they do. 

When I get back from school, I have a few hours to myself in which to do any praying or reading or whatever it is that I need to do. I cannot tell you how thankful I am for this time! Then, we get on with the evening schedule, which can be anything from English classes here at the compound, a concert, a meeting, or dinner in Salatega.

I think that this whole thing has been just as good for me as it has been for them. The work has not been particularly hard, the days have not been too long, the sleep I get has been sufficient, but it seems that I am completely worn out. There is just something about being in a new place that has drained me. I have only been here for a few weeks, and it seems as though I have been here forever. There is so much that needs done, and sometimes I feel that I am not the person to do it, but then I remember that I was invited here, that God picked me to be the one to come and teach. He has been so amazing, every time that I feel down or lonely, or insufficient, something happens, I read a scripture that says exactly what I needed it to, or someone says something that reminds me why I am here. So I guess that you could say that it is one more way that I am in school, for the Lord is ever teaching me to trust him. To lean completely on Him, and to let Him do with me as He pleases, and I am learning that often times, what He wants is what I want too.

Apa? What?

Probably the most difficult thing that I have encountered so far is the language barrier. I spoke in an earlier blog about the fact that we have to connect at a deeper level, and that through Jesus, we can. There is however, something to be said about the instant communication you have with the people that you can easily express thought to. Though there are more than enough people here that speak English to keep me out of trouble, there are really only a handful, even here on the compound. I enjoy listening to the tones and patterns of Indonesian, but it is simply not the same as understanding the conversation. 

One thing that I have learned through this experience is really how interested I am in what people say. I have found myself saying more than once, not just "What did he say?" but "What would he say? What kind of interaction am I watching here." It is really relatively easy to figure out if someone is telling a joke or if they are talking business, but what kind of a joke would they tell? So often we take advantage of the fact that we can understand people, and if not them per-say, we at least know what they said, and what kind of thing it was that they said.

Learning Indonesian is obviously going to help, and helping the people around me to speak better English will help as well. This is convenient as those are the two primary reasons that I came, but at the same time, language takes a long time to learn. I have always liked the idea of being a linguist, on my ambitious days I would love to learn 10+ languages, but reality can be harsh. Though I have not studied it very much yet, language is difficult for me to remember, and I know that only by the grace of God will I be able to speak Indonesian relatively well when I head home. Thankfully we work for a God who is good and kind, and who happens to work in miracles, I have hope.

The last paragraph seems to be just some thoughts thrown at the paper. Never the less, no matter how well written, I see the long dark tunnel, the light at the end, and the train behind the light. I guess my best option is to hop on the train and see where it takes me. Who knows, maybe I will learn something on the way...

Living In The Moment

Today is my 3rd day on the compound, it is my 6th day in Indonesia. If there is one thing that I have really begun to "discover" it is really what it means to live in the moment. As I have spent time here I have caught myself a number of times in a strange place. It is a place where everything in me is pushing forward to the next thing, that I cannot wait to speed through this just so that I can see what is going to happen; yet, at the same time everything in me wants to stop and never leave, I want to stay in the car and never actually get there, once I am there I never want to get back in. I want to stay in the store I am in, but I cannot wait to see the store down the street. Even now, though I cannot wait to see what will happen when I move on, I am so enjoying the sensation of writing this blog that I never want to leave.
I believe that this is truly living in the moment. It is a place of no fear for the future, but still being content where you are, no fear of being left behind. It is utter peace with who you are, and what you are doing, and at the same time a longing to better yourself through experience and understanding. There are so many things that I have yet to learn, and I am full of the expectancy of learning them, but not at all anxious. This is a place that I don't think that I have ever been before. All that I can do now is thank God for His amazing grace and guidance in bringing me here, and say that I cannot wait to see what He will do next.

I'm Here!

What a time I have had! I am finally sitting down to write you after 5 days of traveling. I flew to LA, then to Taipei, then Jakarta, then after a few days in Jakarta we flew to Salateiga, and now, I am finally here. I have already had many wonderful experiences, and I thought that it would take me some time to figure out what to write about, but there was one experience that I think takes precedence.
On Sunday, I had the opportunity to go to an Indonesian Church, and listen to a sermon in Indonesian. This was my first experience where English was not around the entire time, and I had no idea what Pastor Sam was preaching about. As I was standing in the worship service, listening to an Indonesian song, they began to sing "Hallelujah"and I remembered my Dad telling me all the time growing up "hallelujah is the same word in every culture." Well, on Sunday, that was proven true, and not just that, I realized that when we praise and worship the Lord, it doesn't matter what language you do or don't speak, because it is not important. Praise and Worship are the same in every culture. He is the same in every culture. We as Christians can connect with each other because we know Him, not because of cultural similarity, in fact, that is the way that we should be connecting.
As for my trip, I will tell you that I have been having a wonderful time. The apartment that we stayed in in Jakarta was on the 43rd floor on top of a 4 story mall, so we had a wonderful view, and there were a lot of restaurants and stores to visit while we were there. The City is amazing, I think 8 million people. Everywhere you go there are slums next to big beautiful houses, and we now have a running joke that no matter where you are or what time of the day it is, you will end up in a traffic jam.
Well, it is time for me to get a look at the compound, you are all in my prayers, and I will write again soon.

Balance

How do you find a balance between excitement and sorrow? All week I have been intense in my preparation to go. I have been in prayer, I have been packing, I have been making sure all my paperwork is in order, I have desperately been trying to finish my book so that I don't have to bring it along (it's heavy), I have been spending time with family, and have been full of joy and excitement. But tonight as we were packing up the last of my belongings, we got a difficult phone call. One of the young people in the Church we were part of for most of my life was killed in a violent car accident. She was 17. They don't know how it happened, but the car went from air born to on its side, to being hit by a semi. This is the second accident that has killed a young person from our little church of less than 50, the other one was in May.

My prayer has shifted. We must begin to understand that this is not a game we are playing. This is real, what we are doing, where we go, who we are with and what we say are all "for keeps". I am grieving for my friends, and their family. And yet, I am still boarding a plane tomorrow to start the adventure that I have been planning for. Only Jesus can bring us the peace that we need to go on and do what we must do while there are people that we love who are suffering. I had written a blog earlier today called "Getting Ready" and it was all about the inner peace that I had acquired as I prepared, but I lost it. That inner peace has been shaken, but I think that the shaking was more getting air bubbles out than a breaking.

So now, I spend the last few hours with my family, I make sure that everything is ready to go, and I pray a new prayer, one that goes deeper in me as well as in Him. I know that it is simply the grace of God that I am where I am, and I know that even as my heart opens to Indonesia, it does not close to my home.

Sent

When I decided to start a blog before leaving I had a bit of trouble with the name. I had a ton of really classy names in my pocket to try, but none of them seemed to work. They were all either taken, or just didn't work for what I was trying to say. Then the phrase "Sent Traveler" popped into my mind. Now, I know that it doesn’t just roll off of your tongue like some of them do, but it seemed to say what I wanted it to. I am sent.
There have been times that I have almost talked myself out of going on this trip, thinking to myself "what in the world do I have to offer these people?" But the truth is that I have not only been invited to go, but God has made it very clear that He is sending me, which means that to stay would be unthinkable. Though this is the most important aspect of being sent, it is not the only one. Another part of being "sent" is having the people around you support you, with prayer, love, and the little practical things that are needed. I have no trouble telling you that this spring my sister and I took a step of faith and gave some money to someone to send them, and I can tell you now that I have received over 3 times the amount that I gave. Such is the grace of God.
I am so blessed to be surrounded by people that I love and that love me, and I know that I can go in faith and courage, though these things do not always come easy to me. My pastor and his wife have decided to pray for me every Sunday before I leave (and afterward too). This is such a blessing to me, and I just want all of you to know that I know that I am sent, and say that I am so blessed and thankful to you all for sending me.

Here We Go

I have decided that since I am going to be in Indonesia for the next 6 months, that a blog may be a really good way to keep in touch with everyone, and let you all know about what I am doing. I will start by telling you all that I have all of my paper work done, and that I am in the process of finishing up all of the details...like getting a storage for my stuff while I am gone.
The real challenge that this trip will provide is being away from my family. Growing up homeschooled, and with a dad that works from home we were all very close. My friends were my sisters, my parents were my teachers, and being away from them will be very difficult, but I know that it is time for me to step into the next part of my life. I only have 3 weeks left before I go, and during those three weeks I am going to be busy getting ready, and spending as much time with the family as I can.