Going Home

The time has finally come to go home. One week from today I will board a plane headed for LA, and I will leave my beloved Indonesia...for now. This whole thing has been bitter-sweet. I have tried to find a phrase that better describes it, but have yet to find one. For, although it is bitter, I am heartbroken to leave my friends and all that I am doing here, the bitterness is not overwhelming for the sweetness of having somewhere to go home to, and the loving family that I left there. 

I spent all last week saying goodbye. I had a swimming and karaoke party with all of my friends in Destiny, which was a blast, and a good way to spend time with them all. I spent my last night in Penuai at the girls dorm watching movies and singing songs, and I got to spend Idul Fitri, the end of Ramadan, in town with my friend Rio, her husband Elia and their son Mavvo...we went to Pancasila (town square) and played with glow in the dark toys while watching a night parade in which all of the floats were made to look like mosques and were covered in LED lights, and at the same time there were fireworks going off in all directions. We ate fried rice with pork (kind of funny considering the event) and drank milk tea and ate Martabak, which is like an egg cake. I went to dinner with Ps. Sam and his family, and then I spent the whole way from Salatiga to Jogja with Uthe before getting on the train to come to Bandung. 

Saying goodbye was not as hard as I thought it was going to be, until after I was on the train. As soon as I was on my way I realized that I was not coming back, at least not for a while, and that is when I started to get emotional. 

I know that God has new and good things planned for me, and I also know that it really is time for me to go home. I can feel the release, and know that it would not be good for me to stay here any longer....but there is a piece of my heart that will always be in Indonesia, no matter where else my travels take me, who else I meet, and what other amazing adventures I have. Indonesia, you will always be my lovely memory, my dear friend, and my constant teacher. Though you and I had some rough spots, I will never forget you, for as long as I live. America, though Indonesia is my love, you are my country...I will see you soon. 

Steph

4th of July

I have just celebrated my very first 4th of July outside of the country. I have been here in Indonesia for almost two years, but managed to spend this particular holiday in Maui last year, so this was my first time. Last year I remember walking the streets by myself, eating ice-cream and watching the fireworks over the ocean. I thought about how glad that I was to be an American, and how far we had come from when out country was new; I celebrated being an independent young adult, and new that whatever the future held for me it would be good. 

One year later, although in essence not much has changed, everything has changed. I went to a party with other Americans, I had ribs and baked beans and apple pie, we lit off fireworks, and a group close to us sang patriotic songs....I had two thoughts, 1: Isn't it kind of rude to celebrate the fact that we are not a part of this culture while we are living here? and 2: Without America (particularly when we set off the bomb in Japan at the end of WW2 which is the reason that Indonesia gained independence) none of this would be here, the way that it is. It was a very interesting mix of pride in my country and it's affairs, and all that it has done for the world, and also a realization that if I am going to be a missionary that patriotism, while good, cannot be part of who I am and what I do. 

I love America, I am proud and blessed to have grown up there, and be an American, but at the same time my life cannot be about American culture. I come here and I see groups of "bules" or "White people" who stick together, have "American" parties, and have no relationships with the local people at all, they would rather make sure that their children grow up to be 'American' and appreciate their own culture than 'expose them' to other things, other ways of life, and alternative thinking. Here is one example. 

I have a friend here who is a free thinking, opinionated American woman and is married to a very very Indonesian man. They have one son who is 3 (he is soooo cute!) and who still sleeps in their bed with them...in America this would be unacceptable, we teach and train our children that they must be independent and capable; they must be able to cook, clean, live on their own, hold a job, do everything from a very young age, and we tell them that they must have their own opinions and ideas. Honestly, I agree with all of that, and I have seen way too many children here who cannot think for themselves, but at the same time, I have seen American families who have taken this concept so far that as soon as their teenage daughter turned 18 she suddenly had to buy all of her own food (as if the birthday was the exact cutoff date). I think that people should be independent and able to take care of themselves, but I don't think that we should sacrifice a childs' well being in order to make them that way. There are so many parents in America who have terrible relationships with their children because they 'had' to make them independent. 

I think that what it comes down to is that Christians should live in a culture of Christianity (they will know you by this, that you love one another) instead of an American or Indonesian culture. In America, we are direct, even to the point of putting people down and being quite rude, because we say "I'm just being honest." in Indonesia, they will not say anything to you for fear of offending you, but will complain to all of their friends...Christian culture says "Speak the truth in love." it says "If you have a problem with your brother, go to him and speak with him, and if he will not listen then bring the elders." We have to stop living in a dream, whatever dream you are living in. My American friends don't know that they have offended their neighbors, because the neighbors of course will not tell them. It is time to break free of our cultural customs, and walk in truth and love, and honesty. 1 Cor 13 says that Love is never rude...the Indonesian version of that verse says "tidak sopan" which literally means "not polite." How many of you are polite in front of your spouse simply out of love and respect? We think, "Oh he is family, I don't have to be polite, I can just let it all hang loose." I think sometimes we just need a new perspective.

These are just some thoughts that I had this 4th of July. I still love America, I still went to the party, and I still had fun, but I just wanted to challenge you to think about our culture, and the things we do simply out of that culture, whether they be true and biblical and right or not. So, think about it, and Happy 4th of July!

Bitter-Sweet

The preparation to come home has begun. I have had a little bit of time to myself this week (which will continue into next week) as it is now the two week summer vacation at Destiny Inst. At first I was completely unsure of what I was going to do with all of this extra time, but finally I decided that it would be best to organize and clean my room, and begin to pack things that I am not going to need/use in the next two months. I decided also to go ahead and finish the 5 books that I had borrowed and have been slowly getting through so that I will be able to return them when it really is time to go.

                The next unit at IMLAC (my language school) is the second to last, and it is also going to be the most difficult as I will be doing a lot more work outside of school. I will be interviewing my friends and even preparing Bible Studies (for when we study together in class) all in Indonesian, and it will be like toing research about the culture, and personal lives of those around me. One thing that I am excited about is the fact that I will be much freer to ask about the differences within the people groups (Javanese, Sundanese, Bataknese, etc.)  I have already taken some time this week to spend a little bit of extra time with my friends, knowing that I only have two months left, a fact that most of them don’t yet realize…I shocked some of the boys earlier by telling them.

                I have said a few times I think that this whole thing is bitter-sweet, and I can’t really think of a better way to say it. I know that coming home is the right step, and that it would be very difficult for me to stay here in these exact circumstances for much longer. There are certain parts of the culture that have been very difficult for me to adjust to, ways of solving problems, and misunderstandings that have not always been dealt with as well as they could have been.  I know that this is a part of life, of growing up, of travel and all the rest, but it does not make it any easier.

                I am excited to come home and learn, I have always loved school, and have already begun to make plans and figure out what all I am going to do. One thing that will be extremely beneficial is that I am planning on taking the TESOL certificate which will allow me to actually work as an English teacher with a work visa here in Indonesia should I so choose (I want to, but we need to pray all that through). I am also excited about the idea that I could go and see some other places in the world. My plans at the moment are to come back to Indonesia when I am finished, and to visit and see more of the islands as I now have friends all over the place. I am excited about seeing family, about the holidays, about the winter (I love snow) and about not feeling awkward in my own culture. This is the sweet part.

                I have a few friends here who have become very close. I never really had friends that lived near me when I was growing up, particularly good friends, and now that I have a lot of friends, and also a few good friends, I am loathed to leave them all. I always thought it was sad that my friends would move away from me, and now I am the one that is moving away.

                I have one student, a young man named Reinold, who has been a student here with me the entire time that I have been here (some were new when I came back the second time). He was one of the first students that I ever talked to, and I told him not to be shy but to be brave and to try to speak in English. He always comes to class, and always smiles at me, but rarely says anything to me, even in Indonesian. A few weeks ago we were getting dinner, and he said “Miss, good food ya Miss.” He voluntarily spoke to me in English. I may have told you about that in an earlier blog, but it was such a breakthrough that I will always remember it. I have begun to be close with some of the girls too. Indonesians in general are very polite and kind, but they often take a long time to trust you and open their hearts up to you. I have one very good friend here who says that she sees me like a sister, yet she will rarely share any of her struggles with me. The fact that I am finally beginning to break through that shell is one of the most difficult things to leave behind. This is what makes it bitter.

                I think that this blog is long enough. All in all I am doing well (except that a very large beetle just flew past my ear and scared me half to death) and would just ask all of you to pray that I have the grace to finish this well and to do what I need to do. I want to be in a good place with everyone. I am planning on coming back here, so it is not goodbye per-se, but it is goodbye for a while, and I don’t want to leave anything undone. Much love.

Me.