Bitter-Sweet

The preparation to come home has begun. I have had a little bit of time to myself this week (which will continue into next week) as it is now the two week summer vacation at Destiny Inst. At first I was completely unsure of what I was going to do with all of this extra time, but finally I decided that it would be best to organize and clean my room, and begin to pack things that I am not going to need/use in the next two months. I decided also to go ahead and finish the 5 books that I had borrowed and have been slowly getting through so that I will be able to return them when it really is time to go.

                The next unit at IMLAC (my language school) is the second to last, and it is also going to be the most difficult as I will be doing a lot more work outside of school. I will be interviewing my friends and even preparing Bible Studies (for when we study together in class) all in Indonesian, and it will be like toing research about the culture, and personal lives of those around me. One thing that I am excited about is the fact that I will be much freer to ask about the differences within the people groups (Javanese, Sundanese, Bataknese, etc.)  I have already taken some time this week to spend a little bit of extra time with my friends, knowing that I only have two months left, a fact that most of them don’t yet realize…I shocked some of the boys earlier by telling them.

                I have said a few times I think that this whole thing is bitter-sweet, and I can’t really think of a better way to say it. I know that coming home is the right step, and that it would be very difficult for me to stay here in these exact circumstances for much longer. There are certain parts of the culture that have been very difficult for me to adjust to, ways of solving problems, and misunderstandings that have not always been dealt with as well as they could have been.  I know that this is a part of life, of growing up, of travel and all the rest, but it does not make it any easier.

                I am excited to come home and learn, I have always loved school, and have already begun to make plans and figure out what all I am going to do. One thing that will be extremely beneficial is that I am planning on taking the TESOL certificate which will allow me to actually work as an English teacher with a work visa here in Indonesia should I so choose (I want to, but we need to pray all that through). I am also excited about the idea that I could go and see some other places in the world. My plans at the moment are to come back to Indonesia when I am finished, and to visit and see more of the islands as I now have friends all over the place. I am excited about seeing family, about the holidays, about the winter (I love snow) and about not feeling awkward in my own culture. This is the sweet part.

                I have a few friends here who have become very close. I never really had friends that lived near me when I was growing up, particularly good friends, and now that I have a lot of friends, and also a few good friends, I am loathed to leave them all. I always thought it was sad that my friends would move away from me, and now I am the one that is moving away.

                I have one student, a young man named Reinold, who has been a student here with me the entire time that I have been here (some were new when I came back the second time). He was one of the first students that I ever talked to, and I told him not to be shy but to be brave and to try to speak in English. He always comes to class, and always smiles at me, but rarely says anything to me, even in Indonesian. A few weeks ago we were getting dinner, and he said “Miss, good food ya Miss.” He voluntarily spoke to me in English. I may have told you about that in an earlier blog, but it was such a breakthrough that I will always remember it. I have begun to be close with some of the girls too. Indonesians in general are very polite and kind, but they often take a long time to trust you and open their hearts up to you. I have one very good friend here who says that she sees me like a sister, yet she will rarely share any of her struggles with me. The fact that I am finally beginning to break through that shell is one of the most difficult things to leave behind. This is what makes it bitter.

                I think that this blog is long enough. All in all I am doing well (except that a very large beetle just flew past my ear and scared me half to death) and would just ask all of you to pray that I have the grace to finish this well and to do what I need to do. I want to be in a good place with everyone. I am planning on coming back here, so it is not goodbye per-se, but it is goodbye for a while, and I don’t want to leave anything undone. Much love.

Me.