Well, let me start by saying that I am sorry that I have not written in so long, but it has been quite a crazy couple of months. In my last blog I tried to express that I did not know how to say what I wanted and needed to say. I think that I do now, but we will just have to see.
I think that I should just start by telling you that Indonesia, the people, the sound, the way of life, even the food became a part of me while I was there. I have heard that missions will do that to you (which I expected) but I have also heard that Indonesia herself will do that to you (which I did not expect). Everything about my time there was inspirational, difficult, and downright fantastic. I woke up every single day feeling alive and important, although I also felt that I had little to offer, as they themselves live life so fully and that I was young and unsure of what I was even doing there, let alone what kind of impact I would have. I felt certain that I had entered into some sort of a dream and I was amazed every morning by the amount of love I received, and how blessed I was by everyone that I came into contact with. You get the sort of feeling that you never really want to go home, and although I missed home dearly, I was planning on extending my trip for another couple of months. Unfortunately, due to technical things I had to come home on the original date, and though I tried to put up a good face, in reality I was heartbroken. I know that for any of you back there who may be reading this you may be unsure of this last statement, but it is true. For the last two weeks that I was there I could barely contain my tears. I know that God is good and always wants the best for me, I know that He is in control and that this was His timing, but at the same time, I felt that I was being torn away right in the middle of everything that I was doing. I am still struggling a little bit.
My last day in Salatiga is one that I will not soon forget. I had spent the last few weeks having "farewell parties" and spending time with all of my friends, but my last day there went above and beyond all that I had yet experienced. I went to school in town that morning and had a normal day...until the end. When school was almost over, all of the students and Supervisors gathered together and gave me gifts, they had made a book for me filled with their pictures, and little notes of thanks, then they prayed for me. It was very precious, and more appreciated than they can ever know, but that was only the beginning. After school I went back to Penuai (the compound where I lived, and also taught) and they said that they were going to have a farewell party for me. Nothing could have prepared me for what they did. The party was not big or fancy, it was simple, but those kids not only wrote me letters about how much they appreciated what I had done while I was there, but then they had taken the time themselves to translate them into English so that I could read them. They sang me songs, and finally, they gave me gifts. The gifts were small and mostly homemade, but I have never in my entire life felt so loved as I did that Thursday night in the big hall at Pondok Penuai with my students and my friends.
As amazing as this was, leaving the next morning was extremely difficult. I was able to go to Bandung and spend a few days there, and they were wonderful, I was very blessed by friends who took it upon themselves to be a blessing to me. I am still amazed by the kindness that they showed, and I only hope that I will be able to bless them as much as they have blessed me. But, the whole weekend I was and emotional mess, I was full of thankfulness and so amazed by them, and yet so sad as my imminent departure came closer. At the airport I stood alone, I had just said goodbye to my friend Milda who accompanied me all the way to Jakarta, and I was trying not to think about it when I got a phone call from Pastor Sam, and a bunch of my friends and students calling to say good bye to me one more time. They were also in Jakarta, but circumstance prevented them from seeing me off. I was sad that I could not see them, but the phone call was wonderful, it gave me strength to get on the airplane.
The ride home was good, long, but still good, but as I flew over LA the emotions welled up and I actually began to tear up. This was where I had to really begin to trust that He knew what He was doing. I had already been reminding myself that this was His plan, but this was one of the first times that I really had no desire to follow His plan, I was, of course, there, on the airplane, but would I have been if I had not been obligated? I think not. Arriving home, however, was good. I had a wonderful time with my family, it was so good to see them and hug them and talk to them; to really share with them all of my experiences that I had had. It was good to see friends too, to have deep conversations where everyone knew what I meant because they really understood English, I know (some) of what God is doing with me here, but I am still seeking. I think part of what made this so hard was that I really didn't know why I was coming home. What do I have to do here? Where is my place now? I am sleeping on the couch in my parents living room because they are full up. But glory to God, I am discovering why I am here! One day at a time, as I feel my way through the day, as I seek His face, I am seeing connections that must be made. I know in my heart of hearts that this was the best way for things to be done, and now, I am planning on going back to Salatiga at the beginning of July...just in time for the new school year.
I will tell you though, that even the effort and planning that I am going through is turning out to be a one day at a time type of thing. I am still unsure of His plan, of all that is going on, but with every turn the plot thickens and the ante is going up. As this puzzle goes together the picture is becoming more complicated. I have to hold my breath in order to think clearly as I look into what the future may hold. Honestly, this is a very brief overview of all that has been going on, but I hope that it gives you an idea of the emotion, the complication, and the walk that I have been going through. I will end by saying to you Indonesia, I love you, and by the grace of God (because it will take a miracle) I will see you soon.
